07.30.08
Bored
I am currently sitting and doing totally nothing, waiting for Project Runway to start. I was watching SYTYCD, but they seem to be playing the results show from last week for some reason…. I am bored and have eaten way too much stuff, plus my wireless has decided to stop working. It’s annoying. My dear husband is at Martial Arts getting beat up. Tomorrow we are going to go skating, maybe. Well, I’ll be skating, I don’t quite know what he’ll be doing since he’s done with all his schoolwork. Maybe I’ll be able to convince him to skate with me. Just for fun for once, nothing fancy, no big jumps.
To tell you the truth, I’m a bit scared of skating right now. I don’t want to get injured again. I don’t want to feel that terrible ever again, that incapacitated. And I hate taking medicines, and I had to take plenty, some of which robbed me of motor-skills and sanity.
The screwed up our insurance policy. We added me onto it so that I could finally drive here, and they said that it would go up to about $250, instead of the roughly $100 we were paying before. The bill came yesterday and it was on $700! INSANE! So we are dropping Progressive and going with another company, a much smaller one, Vitoria (I think that’s what it’s called….). They finalized our policy at $150. Much better.
Oki, it’s starting now, talk to you later…
07.24.08
To write a book…
I think I finally found it. My idea. It’s not quite there yet, but I reached a serious breakthrough today. What idea? Well, it’s my idea for the “Great American Novel”, as Heather and Lisa would put it. It won’t be a literary masterpiece, but I’m going for fun and quirky. Right now it reads like a screenplay, which is what half of my brain is screaming it should be. But maybe it if turns out great as a novel I won’t have to worry about it. I have most of the main characters drawn up, a fairly vivid image in my brain (f now G would leave me alone and realise he’s not in this novel and could he please stop hounding my dreams, thank you very much) of who each and every one of them is. I’m not all super-deep with them yet, but I saw a great book on quizzing your characters at B&N, that I’m going to get. I’m going to have some real interesting “conversations” within the immediate future.
As a child you have imaginary friends, and it’s completely acceptable, a part of childhood. When you grow older, it is frowned upon and you can be labeled insane or delusional. What many people don’t quite realise is that writers have them too. They’re called characters. They can be as vivid and real as the neighbour, and certainly more loved. Writers live with people in their heads for years, worry about them constantly, talk to them (yes, sometimes out loud. It’s not insanity people, it’s RESEARCH), they study their behaviour, kinks and habits until they know them better than they know themselves. Writers love their characters as they love their family members, since to them, they are.
I have been wanting to write something substantial for as long as I can imagine, but only now do I feel like there’s something to tell, a full story. It might not be Hemingway, but it’s my story and I need to tell it. Will I finish it? Hopefully. Will it be published? Probably not. But it’s my story and in order to be a writer you need to practice writing. And how can you write a GOOD book if you have never written a book at all? You need something to practice on, practice writing a book. You can’t do that in small exercises, short stories or in a small work group. You have to dig down and actually write something. A book.
So that’s what I’m going to do. Write a book. It might take years, it probably will. But it’s something I’ve been wanting to do for my whole life, so that’s time well spent.
Disney things.
I have a friends who is crazy about Disney. She loves everything about it, has all movies and CD’s. On our way to the beach a couple of weeks, I told them about the Swedish versions. They dubb the songs, meaning they have Swedish singers do translations, renditions sort of. I hadn’t listened to the songs for a while, but got a copy of a double CD to her. Now I actually listened to it again. Most of the songs…. kind of suck. Quite badly. I mean seriously. Some of the translations are just weird and doesn’t make sense. Have a listen to the Swedish versions of “Under the Sea”, “Superclaifragialisticexpialidocious” (you try spelling it…), “Zero to hero,” “Beauty and the Beast (The Celine Dion Version…. *Ican’tbreathe*)”, “Lady and the Tramp”, “Go the distance,” and finally “Part of your world (Little Mermaid, who picked the girl who couldn’t speak Swedish in the first place? Seriously….)”. These are just some of the WORST ones. There are others that are bad too, but these tops the list of stupid, non-coherent, absolutely ridiculus, word twisting, grammatically incorrect, lyric-changing, if-read-them-you-wouldn’t-know-that-they-were-the-same-song kind of “Disney” songs.
There are the very few exceptions. “Colors of the Wind” happens to be one of them. But that might be because the Swedish girl is a better singer than the American one.
07.23.08
What the h*** am I doing?
Some days I wonder, what the hell am I doing? I had a fairly bad day in skating yesterday. The problem is, I don’t know quite why. The rational part of my brain is saying “Well, you did pretty well, under the circumstances. You haven’t skated for a while and you did some good edgework, did a couple of okay spins, landed some Axels, and did three decent salchows, one more than last time. It might not have been a great day, but it was definitely good enough.” However the creative part of my brain was screaming the whole time. “What are you doing? You are killing me here! You aren’t skating, you are just doing random stuff in no order, with no purpose and with no passion! You are killing me here! OMG, people are looking. What are they going to think?”
I have realized that I don’t skate well on my own. I never liked this whole private lesson thing and then skating on Freestyle sessions and then on public. I need group lessons. I need people to work together with, the friendships, the silent support group. I was always very independent on our group sessions back in Sweden, I knew what to do and how to do it, but it was different. I just can’t explain why. When I left, my skating started to go downhill. I was suddenly all alone, without a coach, without skating buddies, in a totally new rink which was half the size of my old one.
I think the last straw came in October. This is when we held a competition at my “new” rink and I skated a program as exhibition. One of my kids’s parent filmed it. It was a hard blow. Was that me? That slow person with terrible spins and jumps that barely left the ice? Oh my god. How embarrassing. What the hell had I been doing these last 15 years? After that, I pretty much stopped skating. I did it once in a while, for fun, but I put all my focus on coaching, bringing the legacy forward, helping little girls building their dreams.
After we left skating in February, my pain from an earlier accident came back. It was months until I could get back on the ice and I missed it enormously. Skating is in my blood, it’s my soul. I was dying to get back.
I’ve skated now maybe 5 times, and I am starting to see clearly again, I’m over the honeymoon period. I have a love-hate relationship to skating. It’s like being in a bad long term relationship. You aren’t doing well, you don’t love each other any more, but you are so used to the other person, that you can’t let go. You know each others kinks and pleasures, you have settled in and you feel that they are a big part of who you are. To break up would be to redefine reality, who you are as a person. And you don’t want that. It’s scary, unpredictable and require a lot of courage. Which you don’t have. You would be loosing your sense of purpose and start over. Completely over.
I have been in this relationship for 15 years now, and I don’t know who I am without skating. I really don’t. Skating has been my EVERYTHING for all this time, day and night, my number one concern. It’s hard to let go, but I know I really should. But I am terrified, absolutely bloody terrified. What am I going to do? A new hobby? But I can’t do anything but skating. It’s who I am…. See the dilemma?
As a reality-check: I know I’m not going to go to Adult Nationals. If I get into college in the spring, there’s no way I’m going to have time to train for Nationals. And I am getting in, or going insane with boredom. I have the possibility to skate once a week. Who has name it to Nationals by skating once a week? No, didn’t think so.
I’m sorry about the whole ranting, but my husband announced last night that he thinks I should go to a Freestyle session next week. My pulse jumped and I started shaking out of fear. No bloody way. I am way too self conscious to do that. Hell no. Actually, I might not go with him next week. Or I’ll leave my skates at home. Because I don’t feel like skating right now, and no kind of new music is going to change that. Maybe I just need a break.
07.22.08
Food and Vikings
I did it! It turned out great! Nice, salty and sort of flaky. Hubby loved it too, as did D (hubby doesn’t remember that he ate the same meat in Sweden and really didn’t like it…… I love tricking him….). It was really hard to cut, but I had hubby do that for me.
D and I got into a discussion about the Vikings. She insisted that they came after the Middle Ages, which they totally didn’t. I can’t believe that she would argue with me, the history-buff, who specializes in those two eras. I eventually whipped out a book and set the record straight, and she “humpf”‘d and slammed her door, but it got me thinking. Becky came home with the same ridiculous notion a couple of years ago, saying that her teacher told her that the Vikings came after the Middle Ages. What do they teach kids in school? What kind of ignorant and ill-informed people do they let become teachers? When I become one, I’ll set the record straight once and for all. Vikings came first! Idiot teachers……….
We are on our way to go and skate. I just finished packing lunch, and a whole lot of it too. We are having pancakes and sandwiches (with “Viking meat” of course) and then some snacks. We’ll get home late tonight, hubby’s going to Kung Fu.
07.21.08
Vikings
Swedes are supposedly descendants from Vikings (so are Norwegians and the danish, but they are not involved in this argument). We are supposed to be fierce, independent, (blond too, and have the stupid horns on the helmet, but we all know that’s all bull) and meat-eating. I’m fairly fierce, very independent and loves meat. Sort of. As long as I don’t have to cook it. In that case, I’m a big poultry person. Meat just doesn’t seem to like me. At least not in this country. I screw up with the pork (but that might not actually be my fault, but rather the quality of American pork.) and I just feel bad about it.
But today, I am trying a recipe I wouldn’t be surprised if it had ties almost as far back as the Vikings. It’s a big piece of beef that you chuck into the oven for 12 hours on low heat (so low in fact, that American ovens don’t really have it that low…. which is why I am probably screwing up with the meat….), then take it out and let it soak and cool in salt, water and sugar (does this sound familiar? I talked about the same kind of beef a while back, around Midsummer? Yeah, that time it got spoiled by paranoid hubby….). I just took it out of the oven, and it looks a bit sketchy…. But we’ll see later how it turned out. But I’m not getting my hopes up.
I’m probably originally Flemish…. Wouldn’t surprise me. I’m great with pastries.
07.20.08
Hubby away
Today, it’s just D and me at home. My husband has gone up to the VA hospital to get a couple of things checked out, and will be home either tomorrow or on Tuesday, which means we have a couple of girl-days together. He went up today because we are expecting a tropical storm, andhe didn’t want to get caught in it driving up early tomorrow morning. So he is spending the night at a motel close to the hospital. I was going to go with him, but D decided that she wanted to stay with us this week too, and she would have been bored out of her mind spending the day at the hospital and subsequently would have driven me crazy.
Before he left, hubby went to the grocery store and loaded up food and water that would last over a week, just in case. You never know with tropical storms, we could get stuck here, and he up at the hospital. He also wanted me to be independent, and not have to call my friends for everything if things started to run out. We probably have food in the house that would last us, if needed, over two weeks.
It’s weird not to have him home, and it will be very weird going to bed alone for the first time for over a year. He made sure that I promised to check the security locks twice before going to bed and that I knew where he kept his swords and the mag-lite (HEAVY), just in case. I convinced him we didn’t need someone else to stay over, but I do have Nelson’s number, in case something happens. I also have Catie on speed-dile , and her fiance is staying there this weekend and he is a Marine too. First, they all wanted me to actually stay over at Catie and Sarah’s house, but with D here, that wouldn’t work. We are perfectly safe, this is a good neighbourhood, but hubby is just a little bit paranoid.
Catie will come and pick us up in a little while. We are going to their new apartment and order some pizza and watch some Disney movies. Catie is a Disney-freak and has a whole lots of Disney movies.
07.19.08
Quick update
Okay people, I’m back on track again. I have found a couple that will work. I’ll cut Arabic (It’s NOT Sarah Brigtman’s Harem….), Celtic and Tango. Will probably end up with 4 songs. Yay!
07.16.08
Frustration going on desperation
I am definitely going desperate over this whole music deal. I need a song and I need it soon. The music is the most important thing about a skating program, it can either make or break a performance. I skate with my heart right open, feeling the music. So I can’t just chose any little piece. It needs to work and it needs to touch me. My husband says “Don’t worry about it, you’ll get it. Is it really that important? Get a grip of yourself. It’s not a life and death matter.” I’ll just leave it that he’s not the creative artist in the family. He doesn’t get why the music is so important, neither does a lot of people. And besides, the music isn’t just magically going to find its way to my desktop, I need to be actively looking and listening. My only problem right now is that I don’t quite know what I’m looking for. Maybe you, my readers, have any suggestions? So far, I have done (let’s see if I can remember them all); something terrible (it was…. I don’t know the name of it…) The Neverending Story (twice, in a row), Lord of the Dance, Ghostbusters, Phantom of the Opera, Gladiator, The Addams Family, Peter Pan, Celtic Tiger, and Harem. I found them all, with the exception of Gladiator. But now, I am at a loss.
It’s supposed to be a 2 min 40 sek piece, no jumps higher than double toeloop (like I’d do one anyway….. I’d rather do a triple salchow…), no double-double combos, choice between spiral or step sequence (take a guess which one I’d choose…………….), three fairly simple spins (nothing flying), adult, mature, original but still nothing too out there due to traditional judges. It can’t be too fast, or too slow. And it has to hit my heart, bring out my soul. Easy? I wouldn’t think so.
I’ve been thinking long and hard about going to something Celtic again. Unfortunately, it’s extremely overdone, and the two CD’s I’d end up picking from have been played to death. It would be like doing Carmen, Swan Lake, Don Quixote or Romeo & Juliet. I don’t want to go there, but if I can’t find anything better, I will, after much regret. I’d pull it off well, and I know the music by heart. Anyways, what do you think?
I should be in bed now, hubby is, but I’m simply not tired. He is ill, so’s D. I’m pretty okay today, compared to them. I’m thinking of buying the pass to Icenetwork so that I can scope out what people were doing during Adult Nationals and more importantly, what they were skating to. it’s only like $15, and then I can watch everything live this upcoming season. I’ll have to wait for a month though, to get the pass for the 08-09 season.
I need to head to bed. Talk to ya soon. DO tell what you think on the music issue. Thanks.
A Jerk
I just got called a “jerk” by my dear step daughter. A J-E-R-K, a Junior Educated Rich Kid, which is offensive on SO many levels I just can’t begin to describe them all. She didn’t know off course, she thought it was a compliment. Someone in her class had said it, and didn’t quite know what it meant. She got a stern talking to, to explain what it meant, and that it’s very rude on many levels, because of the implications of the analogy. The four words by themselves don’t mean anything bad, but stringed together like that…. I was basically called a substandard person who has had everything done for her, never had to do an honest dayss labour in her life due to having rich parents who can make calls and get her into whatever she wants to do, including pulling strings so that she got in to a school she normally wouldn’t have, had she not had those parents. It’s just wrong on so many levels… I told D never to call someone a “jerk” again.
