I’ve had a bad day today. I really have. I mean, it started out bad, I didn’t have a good nights sleep, so that kinda set the tone for the day. I can’t quite say where it all went bad, I mean I was okay taking D to practice, not terribly chipper, but fine. Somewhere along the road I just lost it. I am tired, frustrated, angry and a bit depressed (hubby’s wording, not mine). I’ve pinpointed to down to to major issues I have right now, and because I have a whole lot less to do in school, they are getting a bit overwhelming.

Issue #1. I don’t have any friends here. I mean, my husband is my friend, kinda, but it’s not the same thing. I don’t have anyone I can call just out of the blue when everything is getting me down and say “Hey, I need to get out, can we go to Panera for a while and just talk?” There is no one like that in my life right now. I mean, my darling sister, bless her heart, always picks up when I Skype her, but she is on the other side of the planet. I can’t really pop over for some ice cream and some chick-flicks. Then there was Sarah, but she moved to New York and is trying to get healthy again (major health issues. Her liver was giving out a couple of months ago, that kind of serious…), so she doesn’t really have time for my petty little problems. I just need a female friend. I don’t have any hobbies, I mean I used to skate so many hours a week before that I never really developed any other hobbies, I didn’t have time. So, I am quite the hobby-virgin (no honey, I don’t want to do Pilates or Yoga. It’s painful), and hobbies are usually where people finds friends. You try to find something interesting to do in our pathetic little town, it doesn’t exist. I did try to join the International Club, but there was nothing international about it, and they never emailed me back. I was thinking taking piano lessons, but that’s even more solitary than figure skating. I don’t do sports either, period. I just don’t. I was thinking joining a local theatre group, but quickly realized that there are none, since all things theatre related are based out of the major university we have, the one with a large theatre curriculum. So I am toast. The only adult dance classes they have around here are ballet, and I tried that last spring. No thank you. I mean, I guess I might make friends in school, but that’s what I said at the beginning of this semester too. Hasn’t happened.

Issue #2. Babies. They are everywhere. Yes, I admit it, I want one. Or two. I have reached that stage mentally where I feel ready, not to mention that my hormones are tormenting me about it monthly. But we are not ready yet. I need to finish school, and hubby needs to do the same and get a good job. But it sucks. I know it sounds silly, but that’s just the way it is, that’s how I feel. I’ rant about it to a friend, but then again, there is not a lot of those, are there? Am I jealous of my cousin who just had one? Yes (besides, she stole one of my favorite names, William). Everywhere I turn, there seems to be pregnant people, or people with babies. Everywhere, even on my CHILDLESS step mom forum, everyone seems to be leaving because they are pregnant. I’m just…. I don’t know. I also know that I have at least 3 more years until I finish. That’s a long time to be feeling like I am right now. Also, my husband turned 35 a couple of weeks ago. I’d like to be able to have kids (yes, plural) before he’s too old to be able to run around like crazy and do silly stuff with them (even though I believe he will be running around doing silly stuff until he’s in his 80’s). My father was 41 when I was born and I think that’s a bit old.

I don’t know, I’m just having a really shitty day today. Even the chocolate chip ice cream is not helping.

The one positive thing about today is that my sister won this redesign competition, and won a sowing machine. She’s so awesome, my sister.